Clear and Concise

The article "Notebook: Getting back to basics," featured in the Athens-Banner Herald, is about the popular Gym Dogs here at the University of Georgia. As we have learned in class, the lead is what sets the tone for an article and is extremely important. The lead in this article reads "A slightly bent arm here and missed handstand there." I found this lead to be weak and a bit vague. In this case, I don't think the reporter needs to come up with a new one. There is a perfectly good lead in her story already; she just needs to move her graphs around. Instead of beginning with the misleading sentence about "arms" and "handstands," she should lead her story with the third graph. This graph is concise and to the point. It says "The Gym Dogs are getting back to the basics in practice this week." With this sentence as the lead, the reader now knows what the story is about. The reporter should leave the original lead in the story though because it is not misleading once the reader knows that the story is about. 

Another graph that could be moved is graph seven. This graph says "Yoculan felt this was the perfect time for the Gym Dogs to work on fundamentals since they aren't going up against top-25 teams this week. They travel to Lexington, Ky., today for a meet at 7 p.m. Friday against Kentucky and Centenary." The story could be clearer if this paragraph, information about the team's upcoming travels, was moved to the end of the first section of the article. The article has somewhat of a transition about the teams travels that is titled "On the road again." Moving graph seven to the end of the first section would make a nice transition into the next section about the gymnast's time on the road. I also think the story could be made clearer if graph seven was worded differently. I have read the paragraph several times and am still confused. The reporter needs to make it very clear where the Gym Dogs are competing and when. I looked on the UGA Athletics website and it appears the team is competing Friday Feb. 13 at 7 p.m. against Kentucky and Centenary. The reporter should have just written "They travel to Lexington today for a tri-meet against Kentucky and Centenary on Friday at 7 p.m." Getting this information straight and reporting it correctly is important in order to inform people of the team's whereabouts. 

Overall, I enjoy the topic and idea of the story, but I feel it does need the changes I have proposed. The story should have been executed more clearly in order for readers, like myself, to understand the relevance and overall point. A story I suggest the reporter to take a look at is quite similar in context to hers. It is much shorter, but I think she can benefit from the reporters style of clear and concise writing. I also suggest the reporter review a few tips on how to write leads. Here is a website I found that might be useful.